Monday, January 30, 2012

Celebrating 20 Years of Irreconcilable Differences--Follow-up to Part 2

This is a follow-up to my June post about almost succumbing to the big D due to the respective G and P periods in my marriage. We've just entered a new phase--THE BIG J! Unlike G & P, I'm not tempted to get the big D. However it does reconfirm that as much as we celebrate our irreconcilable differences, our brains have about as much in common as a refrigerator and a drunkard. Both hold beer--but one much more efficiently than the other.

Keep in my mind that the narcissistic-ahole-midlifecrisis-smallwee-wee car has only been in our household for a mere 7 months. I have proudly limited my passenger excursions to a handful. The car has already been in the shop at least 5 times for various malfunctions. Most recently for blowing WHITE smoke, which I'm told is worse that BLACK smoke.

I know it KILLED my husband to admit to me that he made a MISTAKE in buying that moneypit-of-a-car. It needed $3K of repairs, so Hubby decided to trade it in. I suggested something reasonable like a Toyota Camry. Nice, not showy. Good maintenance. Holds its value.

He texted me while visiting CARMAX. What do you think about a Cadillac? Well, I think it's a redneck wanna-be-rich car. ABSOLUTELY NOT!

What about a Jaguar? Are you OUTOFYOURFREAKINMIND? Jaguars are the most pretentious, ostentatious cars out there. They scream RICH, SENIOR CITIZEN WITH LOW SELF WORTH WHO NEEDS A HOOD ORNAMENT TO MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL. Plus the maintenance is really high. No one can fix them and it always costs a minimum of $1K for each visit.

They fixed their maintenance problems 4 years ago. Besides it's TOO LATE. I already bought it. Good news--cheaper than the Caddie and no hood ornament. 

I admit that I'm not nearly as embarrassed to ride in it as the Boxer. It's much more comfortable, has heated seats and a back seat for the boy. (Dog is NOT allowed inside the car).

 Also it came with all of these free perks. I'm convinced they were designed to pacify all the angry wives after their husbands came home with new cars. My "goody" package includes either a free CHEMICAL PEEL a.k.a. burn off your face or a free MICRODERMABRASION a.k.a. sand off your face. (THIS JUST VALIDATED THE SENIOR CITIZEN DEMOGRAPHIC. NO ONE UNDER 50 WOULD DO THAT TO THEIR FACE) I am also entitled to free dinners, wine, airport valet service and a resort vacation at various establishments in the area. It's like when rich people get the free goody bags at fundraisers for all the stuff that they can already afford like trips to Europe and a Damien Hirst print; thus don't need freebies. I plan to use every single one! Should I go for the burn or sanding?


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