Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Cock Blocking and Other Parenting Duties

 You won't find cock blocking in Dr. Spock's parenting bible. Even the recently updated version omits any reference to this term. However it does appear in the urban dictionary and wikipedia, so it must be legit.

Ah,  the joys of parenting in the 21st century. I picked up the 15 yr-old teenage son at his girlfriend's the other day promptly at the time we agreed upon--5:30pm.

The moment we got outside, he goes off on me. "Mom, you are such a cock blocker!" I confess that I have no idea what that is, but it doesn't sound good. I imagine it is a position of authority in a cyber-fem-nazi army and that the pre-req is to be a man-hating ass-kicker. I don't really visualize myself in that role, but I'm trying to be more open to new possibilities.

"Mom, do you EVEN know what that is?" I confess to my ignorance. He says, "A cock blocker is someone who prevents someone else from 'getting' some. You picked me up right on time and blocked me." I admit I'm rather confused. The girlfriend's mom was there all day, wasn't she effectively cock blocking? After my initial shock and confusion over the kid's outrage, I realize that it is my duty to be the BEST DAMN COCK BLOCKER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF COCK BLOCKING.

At least until he turns 50 or aliens land in Plano.

In the meantime, I am searching for a good Cock Blocking manual, something a bit more sophisticated than Cock Blocking For Dummies.

For your entertainment, I am pasting the urban dictionary definition below. Notice the examples don't use mothers.
3. (Verb) to cockblock: basically, to interfere, by way of one's mere presence, with the attempt of one person to freak another
1. Jill "Jane, I really need you to come along tonight as my cockblocker so I don't do anything I would later regret. 
Jane "Sure" 
2. I made my move toward that hottie Jennifer with the thought of grinding with her. That cockblocker Alex cut in and got it first.