Suffice to say that I've been entertaining other writing paramours besides this blog. I know I'm a two-timing cheater. But you can read my Mexican Food blog adventures about all the mediocre Mexican food I've eaten since moving to Dallas. It was picked up by Pegasus News, now owned by Dallas Morning News.
Back to this story. I've been on an extended 5 week road trip this summer with my teenaged son and rescue greyhound Tobo. My husband was all for this trip and encouraged us to go. He was going to use the time to catch up on some overdue biz trips.
After 10 days into my trip, he was officially miserable. Which was kind of cute--he missed me, needed me and wanted me home. Even if it was only for two things, which will remain unnamed.
A week before my return, I'm driving from my friend's beach house in Southold, Long Island to Philadelphia. I get the following phone call.
Hi Honey, What are you up to today?
I'M DRIVING TO PHILADELPHIA TO SEE OUR DAUGHTER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'm on my way to play my first of 3 soccer games. And I'm calling because I want you to sue my doctor if I have a heart attack and die today.
WHY WOULD I SUE YOUR DOCTOR?
After I failed my stress test, he hasn't returned any of my three calls.
DID YOU ACTUALLY SPEAK TO HIS OFFICE 3 TIMES AND REQUEST A FOLLOW-UP VISIT?
I spoke to a receptionist and then left messages with the answering service.
I THINK YOU NEED TO CALL THEM DAILY UNTIL YOU GET A LIVE PERSON AND HANDLE IT. BACK TO SOCCER. ISN'T IT IN THE TRIPLE DIGITS THERE? WHY WOULD YOU PLAY 3 SOCCER GAMES IN 100+ DEGREE HEAT? AND HAVEN'T YOU BEEN SICK WITH A RESPIRATORY INFECTION?
CALL ME RADICAL, BUT I'M THINKING THAT I PROBABLY DON'T HAVE A VERY GOOD CASE, IF YOU STROKE OUT AFTER PLAYING 3 SOCCER GAMES IN 100+ DEGREE HEAT. HOWEVER IF YOU WANT ME TO SUE HIM, YOU NEED TO TEXT ME HIS NAME AND NUMBER.
Here our differences surface. If I was sick and recently failed a stress test, I would not be playing soccer for 6 hours in extreme heat. I'm thinking he's OUTOFHISFREAKINMIND.
In times like this, I find that humor is the best remedy. The rest of my ride is spent planning his multiple memorial services. I text him when I arrive in Philly and tell him that it would be convenient if he died while I was there, since it is a much more advantageous location for his friends and family. I asked him what he would like his obit to say.
His response: He died doing his 2nd favorite thing.
At which point, my friends burst out laughing (thinking about his 1ST FAVORITE THING). My daughter who does not want to think about her parents doing that thing, prefers to think that his 1st favorite thing is drinking beer (which is right up there with soccer and the THINGTHATSHALLNOTBENAMED).
|google image search for "heart attack"|
the guy looks like he slammed his finger in a door
or has a bad case of constipation. NOT a pic of my hubby
who is totally hot
|has anyone eaten at the heart attack grill? it's spokesperson died at age 29.|