Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Mussel Nurturing


This is what came up when I googled imaged mussel nurturer.
 My son has been asking me for months to cook mussels for him. I always give the canned mom spiel--maybe next time. I was finally guilted into it. I rarely eat mussels and have never cooked them before, but figured HOW HARD COULD IT BE? After finding a recipe which involved white wine, garlic and butter, I figured I was set. The directions were a bit confusing...DE-BEARD THE MUSSELS. I didn't realize mussels had beards or that I was supposed to perform surgery to remove them.
I decided I would ask the mussel guru at Whole
Foods. Within five minutes, the guy had me in a panic. Whatever you do, don't DROWN or SUFFOCATE the mussels. WHAT????? I recall that mussels can taste gritty, so it's important to WASH them. However the mussel guru told  me that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should I submerge my mussels in a tub of water or they will drown. I need to gently rinse them with running water, ensuring that they do not swallow/ingest too much. Next he tells me that they like to be cold and need to be NESTLED in the ice. Again--he warned, do NOT let them sit in melted ice water or they will drown. Apparently I have to frequently drain the melted ice and re-nestle them in new ice. Also I have to ensure that they have enough air--no closed bags for them. NO MATTER THAT MY ENTIRE CAR AND REFRIGERATOR SMELL LIKE EAU DE MUSSEL. At least they are still breathing.

Next on the list is caressing them gently before putting them in a vat of boiling wine. Drunken caressed mussels apparently taste the best. AND what happens if I fail and my mussels die? THEY EMIT A TOXIC BACTERIA THAT POISONS ALL OF US.

GEEZ LOUISE--this is more effort than caring for a small child. In fact the mussel guru said it best. It's like caring for pet, except that you kill it and eat it. 

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT NURTURING THE DEADLY TERRORIST ZEBRA MUSSEL. NO HARBORING OF TERRORISTS IN MY HOUSEHOLD.

6 comments:

  1. Deeee-licious. May God profusely bless you this Christmass season, girl, and may the peace of Christ fill your heart this year and every year till we arrive in the Great Beyond. Be at peace. See ya soon.

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