Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Quest for Monkey Meat


My South African cousin-in-law is a hoot—very funny and always making jokes. The two of us decided to take the four kids for a walk in the neighborhood (In Irving, Texas) My idea--walk along the jogging trails. His idea--walk to the African grocery store (which he SWORE was only a few blocks away). He enticed the kids with the promise of monkey meat. Come on, we’ll get to see monkey meat.

As you can imagine, my idea was outvoted by his idea. So we set off on our adventure. A few blocks into it, the kids start asking questions. How far is it to the store? How will we know when we are there? What does monkey meat look like? What does monkey meat TASTE like?

Be on the lookout for hanging monkeys outside the store window. Dead monkeys or live monkeys?

After about 54 blocks, I express some reservations about our quest. (Ok, that may be a wee-bit of an exaggeration, but we were walking for at least 30 minutes) We are in a residential neighborhood and I don’t see any sign of any store, monkey or no monkey. He insists that it is just ahead.

I notice a home with a tree-house fort in the back yard. I see something that resembles a dog hanging from the tree fort. Look at that! There is a dog hanging in that tree house! We all run over to get a closer look. Wait a minute, that’s not a dog, IT’S A MONKEY! I kid you not, there is an honest-to-GOD monkey hanging in the tree house.  I creep up closer and notice that the monkey’s face resembles a Mandrill or baboon. I creep closer. 

Wwhewww! It is a fake lynched monkey. I have to say that the blood-thirsty kids were very disappointed in this turn of events. They immediately lose interest and return to the sidewalk. I'm still in shock. 

I ask you--what kind of sicko hangs a stuffed monkey in a tree house? 

A few more blocks up the street, wonders of wonders--there IS an African grocery store. The kids immediately ask the guy behind the counter where the monkey meat is. He does not look amused by their question. This is the great thing about kids. I'm not sure if they believed the monkey meat story or not, but they certainly weren't going to let the opportunity pass to embarrass their elders or catch them in a lie. 

I'm still in awe. What do you think the chances are of actually finding a monkey while on a quest for monkey meat? In Irving, Texas of all places.

Cousin-in-law—I love it when my B.S. comes true.

In looking for a picture of a monkey, I came across this url about canned monkey meat. 

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