Saturday, April 17, 2010


About a month or so ago, I came home and noticed a spill on the carpet. Of course I had to perform the gross test of determining whether it was PEE or water. (why does this task always fall on the mother?) My pets would not make eye contact, which made me immediately suspicious. Upon determining that it was WATER, I sensed the pets' vast relief (i heard the cats EXHALE), since the this ensured their survival for at least another day. 

I wondered which bad kid spilled their water bottle on the floor and didn't clean it up. I decided that I wasn't going to clean it up either. After school, both claimed ignorance. Kid 1--I didn't do it. My brother must have done it. Kid 2--I didn't do it either. Maybe the dog did it. In some parallel universe, I'm convinced there must be a child somewhere who would actually volunteer to clean up a spill even if they didn't cause it. 

The next day, the spill was STILL on the carpet and it looked a bit bigger. It must be my imagination. After two more days, the spill virally spread to a circumference of five feet. If you had the bad luck to step in it wearing socks--well, let's just say that the socks were rendered incinerator material. 

As luck would have it, my husband returned from Boston just in time to diagnose the viral spill, which now resembled a small swimming pool. He determined that our WATER tank leaked. His solution?? Put a beach towel over the flooded area. This is akin to putting a bandaid on a wound spurting blood (or a 3rd degree burn caused by a sautering iron--ha ha) 

I'm rather excited by the prospect of ripping up the carpet and getting a new floor. Call me excessive, but something about the pet-stained, children-stained, moldy 20 year old carpet, just isn't doing it for me anymore. The husband poo poos my excitement by pronouncing the fact that we don't NEED a new carpet. In his delusional world, he thinks this carpet can be SALVAGED.

I have two words for this. (No--it's not those two words. Do you think I would EVER curse at my LOVING spouse?) The two words are BLACK MOLD. Do you know that people DIE from black mold? The children already started to exhibit signs of respiratory distress. Coughing, trouble breathing. My husband is convinced that I somehow enlisted the children to PRETEND they are sick, so that I can have the carpet removed. 

In case you are unfamiliar with black mold, here is a list health problems associated with the fungus. 
  • Itchy Throat
  • Water Eyes
  • Headaches
  • Memory Loss
  • Irritated skin
  • Excessive Coughing
  • Excess mucus
  • Bleeding in the lungs
  • Mold in the bloodstream
  • Possible mild strokes
  • Fatigue
Did you read the part about bleeding lungs, stroke and moldy blood? My neighbor's kid had pneumonia 4x, before they discovered black mold in the walls. 

Due to the seriousness of the issue, I have to take matters into my own hands. See picture in the upper left corner. Me as a mold-buster. I think it might be my new calling. I thought the picture on the right looked like a contemporary art mural. Very hip. Deadly, but hip. 

And in case you are wondering, the ripandhaulaway is happening next week! WOOHOO!

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