Monday, August 17, 2009

Pissed On

Rain symbolizes nourishment and renewal. Why is it then that most slang phrases point to the rain as an annoyance? Don't rain on my parade. Save it for a rainy day. I'll take a rain-check. It's raining cats & dogs. This summer has been full of nourishment and renewal, much to all the sunlovers' dismay. 

When I was little, someone (I don't want to blame my mom--it could have been another well-meaning adult or my gloom & doom grandmother) told me that rain was actually the TEARS of God. God was crying, because I was bad. Or the world was bad. Or I made the world bad due to my badness. How's that for a guilt trip? I've also heard that rain is God's PEE. I don't know about you, but I'll take tears any day over Omnipotent GOLDEN SHOWERS. (Did you know that in New Zealand, this offense is punishable by up to 10 years in prison?)

All of this preamble is leading up to a story that involves...RAIN. Just when I was despairing over a lack of suitable blog material, God blesses me with another few incidents to write about. 

I receive a phone call from a friend who is staying in my Maryland lake house, telling me that my dryer belt is broken. I tell her that she has to suffer dryerless for the week. I tell her to use the back line and front porch to hang clothes & towels.  Under normal circumstances, this would not be a problem. But she's there with 12 other people and has to launder 5 bedrooms worth of linens and towels before I arrive. No laundry mat within 30 miles.  I feel bad, but what can I do? 

I arrive and miraculously everything is clean, DRY and folded. I'm thrilled, because a new dryer is arriving momentarily. I get to see it and touch it for about 10 minutes before the driver tells me that it is an ELECTRIC dryer and I have GAS. I knew this. My husband ordered it, so it is all HIS fault. No big deal--I can use the back line. It's very GREEN and eco-friendly. Not much sunshine back there, but perhaps the cool mountain breezes will dry the clothes. 

Now the rain part. Two days in a row, I am trapped in torrential precipitation, attempting to put on the boat cover. After the first day, I have everything ALMOST dry on the line, when downpour #2 occurs. No warning. One minute blue sky, the next minute flash-flooding. Given that I'm such an efficient packer, I realize that I only have 1 pair of shorts and no towels left for the entire week. Everything on the line smells like eau de mildew. 

Teeth chattering, I derive solace from the fact that the rain is freezing cold and pee is typically warm, so at least I'm not the beneficiary of heavenly 'Piss Play' a.k.a water sports. (Not to be confused with the other types of water sports I hope to engage in, as soon as the rain ceases.)

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