Monday, August 17, 2009

Penis Wrappers and other dinnertime conversation

Something about the mountain air must loosen tongues. Or at least my 11 yr-old son's tongue and his desire to share or as I tend to say OVERSHARE. I suppose I should feel happy that he's comfortable in asking his mother questions about 'DOING IT'. 

This conversation was during a dinner of farm fresh veggies--roasted purple potatoes, garlicky green beans, pesto-slathered tomatoes and green salad. Perhaps my son was trying to divert me, so he wouldn't have to eat his veggies. 

The first question had to do with PENIS WRAPPERS. He wanted to know what they looked like and how they worked. Since his school teaches abstinence, he missed the thrilling health class demonstration where you practice putting a condom on a banana. In between bouts of choking, I explain the proper terminology and use without resorting to a hands-on practice session. 

His 16 yr-old sister volunteers the information that condoms come in multiple colors and flavors. My friend who has kids in their 20's & 30's was shocked and perhaps a bit thrilled to learn this fact. My son's response--EEEWWW! I don't want a girl sucking my.... We digressed a a bit into edible underwear and how my daughter procured such information. 

Emboldened by the hysterical laughing, my son's next question had to do with baseball or rather the 'BASES'. He understood that the bases held some meaning outside of baseball, but wasn't sure what they were. He knew that first base was kissing and home was 'SCORING'. (I was momentarily relieved when he thought home base was kissing without clothes)

Again his sister jumped in to clarify his misconceptions, explaining each base and subsequent progression. I then learned such new phrases as 'squeezing the lemon' and 'NAKED LEAPFROG'

He asked me if I had menopause. Perish the thought. I am much too young. He heard the term from THAT 70's SHOW. Good wholesome TV. He thought that menopause was when a woman had breast cancer. When he found out that it meant no more chance of babies, and 'doing' it without birth control, he was grossed out. EEEWWW! Old people 'doing it'. 

By this time, all pretenses of eating were done. We ended the conversation by practicing kissing on our arms. (Which I don't think is particularly helpful, but his sister told him that it was important to practice) I haven't laughed this much in years. Frightening, but funny.

Just in case you think that TV doesn't influence kids--he learned everything from That 70's Show and the Simpsons. 

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps this you tube clip will be of some assistance... or maybe not...