Thursday, September 29, 2011

It Could ONLY Happen in Texas

This is a follow-up post to Things You Gotta Love About Texas. I've been here for six weeks and I've encountered some strange things. I mean TwilightZoneStrange.
Twilight Zone theme

A friend recently asked me if I was writing all of this done. Of course I am!

1. Most Interesting Student Excuse EVER
A student arrives two hours late to class. Professor, I'm sorry I'm late. When I opened my front door, there was a big black snake on my front stoop. I had to wait until it slithered away. Me--that must have been some SLOW snake. What about the back door?

I have to tell you that this excuse would never fly in Philly. In Philly a student would say--I got mugged and the mugger stole my homework.   Or  I was late because a huge rat held me hostage. 

Girl faints as a huge black snake suckles her breast

When I google imaged big black snakes, this bizarre story came up on a Zimbabwe news site. 
Clearly weird things happen in Zimbabwe as well as Texas

2. 2nd Most Interesting Student Excuse--Disaster Averted
A girl walks into class barefoot. Professor, I'm sorry I can't attend class today. I forgot my shoes and the secretary won't allow me to stay in class. Me--I just so happen to have an extra pair in my car. Let me go get them.

I concede to forgetting lots of things--keys, phone, money, where I live...but I'm pretty sure I would never forget to wear shoes on the way to work. Not to mention it is ILLEGAL to drive barefoot. There's also the skeevefactor. Who knows what you could step on.

Devotion in Motion: Grocery Store Feet

A person with “grocery store feet” has feet that look like he spent the day walking barefoot A person with “grocery store feet” has feet that look like he spent the day walking barefoot 
This image was found on a "Country Preacher Dad" blog  whose name is John Cash. No kidding. He defines grocery store feet as a person who looks like they spent the day walking barefoot in Winn Dixie. No kidding. People really did this????

3. Cowboy Chef
I have heard of gourmet chefs, vegetarian chefs, Rachel Ray, Chef Emeril, but have never heard of a cowboy chef. I actually got to meet one in person! He lives on my cousin's ranch in Aledo, Texas. He is the real deal--I haven't seen him without his cowboy hat, boots or belt-buckle yet. My cousin said that he has cooked for the White House. The only problem with cowboy chef cuisine is that it's rather meat dominant. Not so good for a vegetarian. My cousin was very insistent that I put aside my silly vegetarian tendencies and eat a burger forgoodnesssake. So I did--my first one in over 30+ years. It was good--tasted very smoky, which I'm told is an important component to cowboy chef cuisine. 

4. Cowboy Church
This one ties into #3 and #5. I didn't realize that there were enough cowboys to warrant a cowboy church. Who knew?? I asked mr. cowboy chef what the difference between a regular church and cowboy church. He said that you don't have to take your hat off (which he vehemently disagrees with). I guess I have to go to cowboy church if I want to see him hatless. Also you can ride your horse to church. It was unclear to me whether one sings cowboy campfire songs praising Jesus or one sings regular hymns played on a harmonica. 

5. Church Worship at the Southfork Ranch, filmset of the old TV show DALLAS
This is weird on SOOO many levels.  First we got lost and were late. I mean we didn't expect to drive to a ranch for church. When we pulled in the parking lot, the attendent asked my husband to roll down the window. Are you lost sir?? Are you taking a tour of the ranch? No, we are going to church. Oh--you looked like a tourist on vacation with the palm trees on your shirt.  That and the fact that we were the only caucasian people there. 2000 people with maybe 5 other caucasians besides us. Oh and a white female minister, who preached EXACTLY like a charismatic southern black preacher. Services were held in JR EWING'S ballroom. The service was 3 hours long. We tried to sneak out towards the end and they LOCKED the doors and wouldn't let us leave until it was over. I"m soo not kidding. I'm not sure people understood the irony of worshipping on the film set where the prime character was a white Texas rancher.

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