Have you noticed that there are a slew of professional "Whisperers"--those gurus who supposedly can train your hellion children or marley-dog? Recently I came across a guy who is called THE MARRIAGE WHISPERER. Here are a few of his PROFOUND findings.
#1--The divorce rate has been 50% for the past 60 years, because people think conflict means you are with the wrong person. In reality, conflict is growth waiting to happen.
#2--You can't work on an issue unless it is triggered. If your spouse triggers an unresolved issue that causes conflict, you are with the right person.
#3--Real love vs. Romantic love
The feeling of romantic love is one of joy, pleasure, relaxation, excitement and euphoria. Couples eventually will lose that feeling and encounter conflict; if they can work through that, they can get to a point of real love. Real love feels like romantic love, but romantic love is fragile and driven by expectations, whereas real love is durable and lasts through frustrations.
In case you are wondering, it took this guy 28 years and two marriages to come up with this wisdom. With my newly enlightened view of marriage, I can now tell you with positive conviction, that I am married to the right man.
How can I be so confident? In my household, there is an over-abundance of growth just waiting to happen. I just didn't know it was disguised as conflict. My husband is a professional triggerer. If you've been reading the blog, you know my triggers and he triggers them daily. For example, our disagreements about whether our 13 yr-old son should be allowed to keep his phone after caught "SEXTING" isn't about different parenting priorities, but potential GROWTH. I'm a bit unclear if this growth is supposed to look like a blooming flower garden or blue mold on an unidentifiable food item left in the fridge or a stage 4 cancerous tumor?
The point about real vs fake love has me a bit worried. I mean really--who wants to give up pleasure, joy, relaxation, euphoria in the name of GROWTH? Especially if it's the poisonous kind. Give me blissed-out, euphoria over a tumor any day of the week.
Since I'm currently jobless, I decided that I have all the qualifications to be a marriage whisperer. I encounter growth opportunities daily and can talk at length about triggers--both literal and metaphorical. However, instead of blablablaing about real vs fake love, I would whisper very quietly DON'T DO IT. I think people would pay me a lot of money for that sage advice. Think how much they would save by avoiding costly therapy sessions to resolve their growth opportunities.
when i googled imaged growth--this is what came up. definitely not the blooming flower kind.