Friday, October 9, 2009

Stink Bug Invasion

My son asked me the other day why God made stink bugs. I SO wanted to reply that God has an inner sadist who likes to torture us. However, one cannot say such things to an 11 year-old, who still lives in a very literal world. I might permanently scar his young mind. So instead I gave the psychotherapist response--
I don't know, why do YOU think God made stink bugs? This is a lame-ass response and he immediately sees right through my trick. That's NOT an answer. 

Forget about the Year of the Ox (Chinese calendar).  It is the year of the stinkbug. Did you know that "The brown marmorated stink bug, an insect not previously seen on our continent, has apparently been accidentally introduced into eastern Pennsylvania?"   They are native to China, Japan, Korea & Taiwan. Makes you wonder how they managed to travel to Pennsylvania.  Remember the Old Testament plagues of locusts and gnats? Hmmm...mighty suspicious. Supposedly they only appear during warmer periods in fall and spring. However they seem to be an equal opportunity season pest in my household. 

My most memorable stink bug story took place a few months ago. While reading on my sun porch, covered with a blanket, I noticed a stink bug. And then another. And another. And another. I brushed them off the blanket and continued to read. A few more crawled in my lap. I got up and shook the blanket. HUNDREDS OF LIVE STINK BUGS FLEW OUT OF THE BLANKET. It was like the spider scene from the Indiana Jones movie. 

As you probably know, you cannot squash a stink bug. Besides the smell, they send out a distress signal to all their stink bug friends within a 100 mile radius, who immediately come, ready for invasion. 1 squashed stink bug today, 1000 live ones tomorrow. 

My friend told me that I should suck them up in my vacuum cleaner. This seemed like a brilliant idea. I wouldn't have to squash them and their friends would be none the wiser. I admit to feeling gleeful while sucking up the little monsters with the vacuum hose. As you probably guessed, this didn't work too well. First of all, they didn't all die. Some heroically clung on like tornado survivors, crawling back out once the 'wind' died down. 

The other problem was the stink. The next time I vacuumed my house (ok I don't really vacuum). The next time someone vacuumed the house, the ENTIRE HOUSE smelled of eau de stink bug. FOR DAYS. 

My neighbor told me that she actually ate a stink bug. It was in her glass and she didn't see it. The crunch and smell gave it away. EEWWW!

So the stink bugs are back. I try to be a GREEN person. However I decided that enough was enough. They needed to DIE. So we (actually it was my husband) bombed them. My inner sadist smiled when I witnessed the stink bug holocaust. Hundreds of little bodies all doing the dead bug yoga pose. I realize that is very un-Christ like of me. And I don't care. 

1 comment:

  1. eewwwwwwwwww. . stink bugs are so causing me headache . .grrrr.........