Sunday, August 22, 2010

Is Fidelity Obsolete?

Last summer I posted on how Women's Health Magazine is really a trashy cosmo in disguise. In this summer's issue, the lead article headline reads Is Fidelity Obsolete? Women's Health investigates the biological drive to spread the love, the rise of the Facebook fling and whether faithfulness has reached its expiration date. 

The only part worth reading is a quick look at the pictures. A bereft bride figurine stands forlornly atop a 3 tier wedding cake, as her groom escapes in a helicopter. Very funny!

According to the 'studies', we are biologically programmed to cheat. One particular study concluded that a woman is more likely to cheat when she is ovulating. How did the researchers come to such a conclusion? They found evidence at a STRIP CLUB. The rationale? Men are more attracted to women during ovulation time (the caveman desire to procreate). 

Here are the compelling numbers used to prove their point. 
$335 amount strippers earned in five hours when they were ovulating.
$260 amount they earned in five hours when they weren't ovulating.
$185 amount they earned in five hours when they were menstruating.

I'm not a researcher, but I do see a few teensy-weensy problems with the study. OF COURSE THE MENSTRUATING WOMEN MADE LESS MONEY. The women are bloated, cranky, suffering from hellacious cramps and not wanting their 'customers' to see their tampon strings hanging out of their g-strings. The LAST thing they want is to have sex. 

I'm wondering about the plausibility of testing this biological theory out in strip clubs. I mean really. Don't the guys going to strip clubs hope they will get laid? Isn't that the goal? It seems a bit of a stretch to conclude that because a stripper made more money during certain times of the month, all of us are hardwired to cheat. I believe this is a slippery slope (logical fallacy). 

Also the study is lacking in specificity. How old were the strippers? Were they married or unmarried? What geographic location/s were included? What is the demographic (socio-economic class) of the customers as well as the strippers? Did the researchers perform the tests on the same days of the week? If the girl is on the rag and working on a Monday night, she's definitely screwed out of major tip money. 

Also just because a man finds a woman more attractive, why is SHE the one predisposed to cheat? Wouldn't he be the culprit? 

Women's Health concludes that just because our biology predisposes us to cheat, it doesn't mean we can't choose monogamy. Cheating is NOT inevitable. PHEW! What a revelation. I was worried. 

Following this enlightening article is 10 Things You Can Do With A Tomato. I'm not making this up. 

Coincidentally or not,'s hot word of the week is ADULTERY. Specifically they(the unknown experts) examine the etymology of the words adult and adultery, asking Why is it called adultery when being unfaithful isn't a particularly adult thing to do?

After you shred the magazine, using it to line the kitty litter box, you can respond to the brilliant blog posts on the etymology debate. Here are my favorites:

shareese on August 20, 2010 at 6:25 pm

hi iam shareese i just wanted to saii hi andmore lol gansta


a on August 20, 2010 at 7:03 pm

wats ur point? that adultery is a childish (no so “adult” like) 

thing to do? i think being childish is VERY different from

 being unfaithful

 …and i reeeally dont think the “adult” that means pornographic

 has anything to do with it being a prefix in the word adultery

 it simply has to do with the fact that pornographic material

 is for adult viewers. Were u drunk when u wrote this?

Dillan on August 20, 2010 at 7:18 pm

That’s totally whatev…adultery is adultery…that’s it…

I know--profound.

 I'm on the 9th thing you can do with a tomato

 as I write this. 


  1. This is hilarious... you totally trashed that "experiment". Nicely done.

  2. I saw an article like this one too and what a load of crap it all is! Their point is null - they're trying to excuse the inexcusable. The only thing I can agree with is that we all have a choice to make. According to science we are all hard wired for many things, but here's the kicker...just like with everything else in life, in the end it's all about the choices we make. Good post, I enjoyed reading it. :)

  3. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.